The Red Ring of Death Conundrum
by Pandia-Eris
Summary: Pandia and Eris are two girls who live Assassin's Creed, so, naturally when the new game comes out they replay the series for suspense and story purposes. Only the dreaded kicking the Xbox can invoke it's deadly revenge.
1. Prolouge

**We started our first collab story! YEAH! *blows streamer* Well, we don't own Assassin's Creed, Xbox, Forrest Gump, Little Rascals, Barbara Streisand or that small reference to the Ring 2. Yeah.**

**Pandia: We no own. You no sue.**

_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_ (Eris POV)

_Bee-beep! Bee-beep! Bee-beep! Bee-beep!_

I internally groaned.

"_Why? Why must it be Monday?"_

_Bee-beep! Bee-beep! Bee-beep! Bee-beep!_

Reaching over blindly from my bottom bunk I slammed my hand upon the poor unsuspecting alarm clock.

_Bee-beep! Bee-be-_

"Finally! Perfect silence!" I said enjoying the semi-darkness in the room. I was, as a matter of fact, afraid of the dark, and even with the nightlight my friend got installed in the room, you couldn't really tell. In my opinion, the room was still too dark. In her opinion, a fourteen-year-old shouldn't be petrified of the idea of sleeping in a completely dark room.

Sadly, mom agreed with her.

Speaking of said friend, a groaning was heard from above on the top bunk. For a moment, I thought my worst fear had come true and a zombie had broken in, lured by the darkness.

"_Curse you zombie!"_

I heard the sound of something moving up there and cautiously approached with a foam sword my sister had left from yesterday and prodded the figure. Shrinking back I waited.

No movement.

I reached to prod it again, but the foam sword was yanked out of my hand and used to ungraciously whack me upon the head. A head popped that looked suspiciously like Pandia, my best friend.

"What're you doin'?" she asked, clearly still half-asleep. I hopped down from the bed and turned on the light, wincing as the room brightened. I rolled my eyes. "It's time to get up!" I yelled and shook the bunk bed for good measure. She groaned and wrapped the covers around herself. "Go feed the dogs." I went to the garage to do just that.

A couple of hours later I was sitting down in my grandfather's car arguing with Pandia, again.

"Opossum is spelled with an O at the beginning! I mean it!" I argued.

"It starts with a P!" she yelled back.

"O!"

"P!"

"O!"

"P!"

"Look it up in the dictionary!"

"Fine! I will!"

I smiled triumphantly as she opened it to the correct page and the look on her face went dark. Suddenly that dark look turned into a smirk. I don't like it when she smirks.

"It starts with a P!"

My jaw dropped, disbelieving what I was hearing. I opened my pocket dictionary, and sure enough, there it was under the O section spelled Opossum.

"But look at-"

"Starts with a P."

"But-"

"P!"

I frowned at her.

"YOU ARE THE MOST INCORRIGABLE DOGMATIC PERSON I HAVE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE TO MEET!" I yelled.

"Hey you used vocabulary words!" she exclaimed.

This resulted in a face-palm. Ah, yes I was most familiar with this particular maneuver, for you see, Pandia had a problem. She was so stubborn that even when she knew she was wrong, she would keep on arguing. Sometimes it was funny, like yesterday with the acclaimed "Pudding Cup Incident". Sometimes it was irritating.

For instance right now.

The car stopped and I hugged my Papa goodbye as we left, walking into that horrible metaphorical prison with my crazy, stubborn, green-eyed, brunette best friend.

This particular Monday was going to be interesting.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* this means Pandia (me) is typing this part of the story/chapter.

I hate Mondays.

We have all eight of our classes and they each last about forty-five minutes. That's not the part that bothers me. I my classes are all over the school and even in different buildings. That's beside the point though.

High school is a prison, but unlike most I enjoy school except for geometry and a few other subjects, but some things can change your mind.

It started as a regular day, same old boring biology, and then geometry. Nothing fun really happens in geometry. We listen to the teacher (who is also the coach of the basket ball team), and then we get a boring handout on what we just learned.

Then I realized something so wonderfully important I had to smack myself for not remembering. Today is the day that Assassin's Creed Revelations comes out!

"Eris….Eris….Eris…." she ignored me. I poked her in her side in a way what some people makes them feel like there being painfully tickled.

"What!" she whispered in a very angry tone.

"Assassin's Creed Revelations comes out today!"

I glanced over at her from without moving my head an inch. Then she glanced at me. This continued for about five minutes or so.

"Do we have to?" I asked.

"Yes!" Eris said.

"But I don't wanna start from the beginning!"

"We Have to do it in order so we understand everything!"

"No."

"Oh well I'm doing it anyways"

Eris ran over to the X-box and quickly put in the first Assassin's Creed game. I glared at her in a way that shows I'm annoyed. Only she would understand it though.

I walked over to where she was standing and gave the X-box a little kick. Not nothing that should seriously do any damage. I guess I'm wrong though.

I guess the X-box decided that it was time to grow the emotions, because where the digital green color on the X-box symbol is, it had now developed into the deadly red ring of death. I swear, at that moment I imagined the devil with eyes like that symbol.

The box started shaking violently. We backed away slowly, in case the thing was a bomb, although I don't see why we did it slowly.

Next thing you know a whole bunch of giant pink octopus tentacle thingies pop out of the television screen. Now if that isn't one of the scariest things you'll see I don't know what is. I looked over at Eris and she looked over at me and she and I (though I'll never admit to it), well, we screamed like six-year-olds near a killer clown. We ran as fast as we could to our room and closed the door.

"Quick!" she yelled. "What's the number for 9-1-1?"

I shrugged. "How should I know?"

We laughed for a moment with the Little Rascals reference before I got quiet.

"Now, let's get serious!"

She was already typing on the phone when we hear a roar from the other room.

"Hurry up and call the police, Eris!" I screamed in her ear.

She winced. "I'm trying! I'm TRYING! Hold your horses!"

Officer Barbara Streisand was sitting at her desk the front office of the police station. It had been a slow night at the station and you can only have so much coffee before the stuff wears off. She was half-asleep when the emergency hotline began ringing.

"9-1-1! What's your emergency?"

There was screaming and a lot of slamming the other end. A person was breathing heavy on the other.

"He-HEY! We're being attacked by giant tentacles from my best friend's TV! Is there any way you can come over here and help us?"

In the background there was screaming and something that sounded a lot like cursing and, "Pandia get your BUTT over here! I DON'T want to be eaten by a giant tentacle thingy!"

Silence then, "How am I supposed to grab you OUT of a tentacle? It has your ankle!"

More screaming. "JUST DO SOMETHING!"

I rolled my eyes. Clearly these girls thought they were hil-ar-i-ous.

"Hey kid, you do know that it is against the law to make a prank call to a police station?"

"Wha-what? This ISN'T a prank call!"

"Kid, I'm hanging up and I'm gonna pretend you just didn't call me."

"But-"

I slammed the phone down and went back to reading the news.

_-*-_~*~*~_-*-_*~*~*_-*-_ (Pandia and Eris typing, Eris POV)

Well Pandia was failing epically to GET ME DOWN! Currently I was being hoisted into the air by a grotesque pink tentacle and am now being slammed. On. The. Ground.

I hate tentacles.

Did I also mention I hate pink?

Well, I do.

Being dragged across the carpet towards a staticy TV isn't my number one way to go. I've seen way to many horror movies to actually enjoy that idea. As I was dragged I noticed that a tentacle grabbed Pandia by the knee.

"Keep your tentacles to yourself, Fatty!" she screeched.

I watched as somehow it decided right now she was more of a threat. Not that I felt insulted. Pandia is a no-touchy person and gets cranky when I hug her so I don't really blame it. Really.

Okay, so I felt a little insulted.

Anyway, it dragged me through and my butt hurt like someone shot it! I now feel sympathy for Forrest Gump. I groaned and rolled over on the dirt, moondough, whatever we had landed in. I heard a voice to my left.

"It smells really good here! Is it too much to hope we landed in a pile of flower petals?"


	2. Not the Best Chapter :

**Hey readers! Guess what? I'm typing from a school computer! Yeah, I know, "**_**Why are you typing from a school computer?"**_** Well, as it turns out that right now I don't have Microsoft Word on my computer, so I'll be typing here, saving it on the school website, and then copy it onto a document when I get Word. I will probably have several different chapters when I update next. Also the next few chapters will be from Eris's point of view but I'll try and get some from Pandia's as soon as possible.**

**Eris: We no own, you no sue!**

**Pandia: What she said.**

I groaned. "Yes Pandia, it is too much to ask!" I heard a rustling to my left and opened my eyes, which were caked with something. Rubbing irritated them, but got the gunk off. I found that I was surrounded by this mysterious substance on my eye.

_Mud._

"Ulgh! Ewwwwwwww!"

It wasn't just any mud either. It was dry-ish and had a distinctly grainy texture that I instantly recognized.

I heard a "So we landed in _wet _sand? Are we on a beach or something?" and apparently Pandia had too.

_Wet sand? What could it mean? Where are we?_

I looked around to further solve the mystery of that very question and was met with a small pool. It and a refreshing look to it and was surrounded by various desert looking foliage. The foliage cast a shadow over the pool as the sun went by, creating a forbidding body of water that harbored something dangerous in its depths and-

….

Sorry, we were reading _A Tale of Two Cities_ by Charles Dickens in school and he uses a lot of foreshadowing and stuff. So… Yeah. Sorry. Anyway it looked scary and I didn't want to take a much needed bath. Let us move on.

I looked behind me to discover a very daunting situation. We were in the middle of a desert in the mountains. At least I thought we were. It's kind of hard to miss a giant expanse of ENDLESS sand with mountains in the distance. I turned back to the oasis, just as Pandia thought it would be a good thing to jump in and I got splashed. Pandia had decided by the looks of it that right now would be the perfect opportunity to take a bath.

I rolled up my jeans till I could get them above my knees and waded in. I stopped when the water was lapping at my knees and dug my toes in the bottom of the pond. Pandia looked up at me. "Do remember that family trip you invited me to a few years ago?"

I looked at her, curious as to the reason she was bringing this up. "The one when we travelled to different areas around the four corners? What about it?"

She smiled at my forgetfulness. I really didn't have a clue what she was referring to.

"This water just reminded me of Medano Creek at the base of the Great Sand Dunes. Remember when we sat in the water?"

I laughed. "If we didn't have a hold on something it would take several feet away. It still amazes me. The fact that you had dry sand dunes on one side, large snow capped mountains on the other, and in the valley at their bases was a little creek were the sand and melted snow would deposit."

"Yeah."

All was quiet for a moment. The water in the pond had no current, except for what you made. The mountains in the distance were beautiful, but not close enough to see their peaks. There were no dunes to be found. This place was quiet, eerily so. I felt homesick.

"I wanna go home," Pandia said, voicing my thoughts aloud. We were both trying our best to be cheerful (at least I was), but it's kind of hard when you're in an unfamiliar place with no family, friends, or food.

"Unholy peanut butter!" I yelled.

Pandia just looked upset. "Are you still trying to see if you can use food in place of cuss words to see if it will catch on? I can tell you right now that I highly doubt it will catch on here."

"No! We don't have food!"

This got her attention. Pandia can not go a day without three meals and a snack, and even then she still complains that she's hungry! She most certainly will NOT last the standard week till starvation rule.

A few minutes later…. –

"We're gonna die!"

"Calm down Pandia!"

"We're dying the worst way possible! WITHOUT FOOD!"

"Pandia! You need to get a grip!"

"My one wish before death has always been a feast! I am being denied!

"Get a hold of yourself!" I slapped her once for good measure and she slapped me right back.

"WHAT IS IT?" she yelled in my face.

"Pandia it's getting dark! We need to make a shelter or fire thing! You should know. You watch Animal Planet!"

She looked around. "We don't have sticks and neither of us can climb trees so we should huddle under the leafy bush over their."

"Hey! I can climb trees!" And I was good at it too. I could climb higher up a tree then she could any day! My reply was of course met by an annoyed squint.

"You're too short."

"WHAAAAAA?"

"You can't reach the nearest foothold on any of the trunks. You're. Too. Short."

I gave her a look. "You irk me."

"Good."

Pandia huddled under a tallish leafy bush while grabbed rocks and sticks. Any dry stuff I could use for kindling was nice until.

"Pandia! I found poo."

"Poo? What?"

"Right there."

"So."

"It's a little dry, but still fresh. You know, like Doc's after a days but bigger."

"And?"

"An animal has been here!"

"So, there are animals in the desert."

"But it's huge! Way bigger then a dog!"

She failed to see my point. The rest of the night was uneventful. We built a pile of wood and right around the time it got dark we got a tiny fire going. A blew on it to provide oxygen and Pandia got mad. There was another argument, but I stopped and we took turns sleeping 'cause one of us had to keep it going. Frankly I think that she only let me sleep maybe three hours, but she argued that if she did, we couldn't tell what time it was so what did it matter?

Sometimes she makes me really hate her.

**That's it so far. Now I am debating whether or not I should bring in our fun characters in the next chapter or not.**

***Edit* By now I found a way to access Word on my laptop. Now all you guys need to do is pick the day of the week that we would update chapters. Most votes win!**


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